After months of
little more in life than writing and book marketing, I emerged today to mow the
lawn, buy new bookshelves, and do a few mundane tasks that needed doing.
Elizabeth Aisling
Flygare was nice enough to buy me dinner and introduce me to mocha shakes at
Arby’s. We looked for bookcases at Furniture Row, but they were oversized or
priced far beyond my meagre budget. We did find a five shelf bookcase at Target
for only $26.99 that I’ll need to assemble myself. I bought that, plus a ton of
cat food. I also bought a container of Liquid Plumber drain restorer for my
kitchen sink. The drain opener set off an alarm at checkout causing the clerk
to need to scan my driver’s license. It seems that drain opener is now treated
as a controlled substance, not unlike pseudoephedrine. Misguided youths are
using liquid drain cleaner to get high. Stores are required by law to keep a
copy of my driver’s license for 2 years each time I purchase pseudoephedrine
allergy medications or liquid drain opener. If I try to buy more than the
normal amount in a 2 year period, I will be declared a potential drug dealer
and investigated.
And then, when I
bought a Fiskars hardened steel saw that I intended to use to trim unwanted elm
trees sprouting in my yard, the alarm sounded again. This time I already knew
why. It’s the kind of bone saw serial killers in my Instruments of Death novels
use to dismember human bodies. Heh heh. Honest, officer. I was only planning to
use that saw on trees. Heh heh.
The killer of the
evening, though, was a visit to the local Barnes and Noble store at Cherry Vale
Mall where the fiction section was being reduced to make room for displays of
toys, graphic novels, and games. None of my novels were displayed on store
shelves. The customer service desk said they would be happy to order single copies
to send directly to my home, but they did not stock my titles. My books were
listed in their online catalog, but the titles were not part of the local store’s
inventory. Neither were Andrew Vachss’ novels, nor Joe Lansdale’s, nor Alaya
Dawn Johnson’s. They did carry Jonathan Maberry’s Joe Leger series and I found
all of James Patterson, Stephen King, Dean Koontz, and Jo Nesbo.
Elizabeth asked me
on the way home if I were depressed because today was the official release day
for Darkness and no store had it available. It is still on pre-order at Amazon
and B&N.com. I wasn’t depressed. But I was disappointed.
So now I am ensconced
back at my keyboard after a brief visit to the real world. I think I will hide
here for awhile until it’s safe to venture out again.
Maybe by then my
titles will be in the stores where customers’ drivers licenses will be scanned
and saved for two years because my books are considered dangerous when consumed
in quantity.
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